Putin to have emergency colon surgery after falling down and pooing himself

Evil tyrant Vladimir Putin is set to undergo surgery from a colon and rectal specialist after he took a damaging tumble at his house, reports claim.

Top officials in the Kremlin were forced to deny “completely untrue” reports last week from the General SVR Telegram channel that the erratic dictator had fallen down the stairs and soiled himself.

But since then, it has been reported he will undergo an operation after discomfort caused by an injury to his coccyx when he "slipped on a staircase".

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The 70-year-old despot was recently spotted awkwardly climbing steps in light snow at the Eurasian Economic Union in Bishkek, the capital of Kyrgyzstan.

Last night (Thursday, December 8) he was seen walking gingerly down the steps of his ‘Flying Kremlin’ Ilyushin-96 as he went to meet summit host Sadyr Japarov, president of the central Asian state.

An aide followed him off the plane carrying a small back case possibly containing body following reports that paranoid Putin has ramped up his personal security in recent weeks amid assassination fears.

Leaks on Telegram revealed: “Putin will have a simple surgical operation.

“The fall from the stairs last week, which resulted in a bruised tailbone, did not go unnoticed and caused new problems not directly related to the bruise.”

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The channel, citing insiders in the Kremlin, has previously said that “due to cancer, Putin has serious digestive problems and has been on a strict diet for the past few months”.

He also suffers “bouts of coughing, dizziness, sleep disturbances, abdominal pain and constant nausea” as well as “the manifestation of symptoms of Parkinson's disease and schizoaffective disorder”, posts claimed.

Yet there is no hard evidence of his health issues – despite other sources even suggesting that whenever Putin travels he is accompanied by a specialist team of doctors including cancer specialists.

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