{"id":25959,"date":"2023-08-29T11:32:26","date_gmt":"2023-08-29T11:32:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/?p=25959"},"modified":"2023-08-29T11:32:26","modified_gmt":"2023-08-29T11:32:26","slug":"ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: Adoption puzzle comes together slowly"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Amy:<\/strong> Five years ago, late in life, I learned that I was adopted.<\/p>\n

Both my birth parents and adoptive parents have all died.<\/p>\n

\u201cJanice,\u201d my birth mother, moved out of state to give birth to me, telling only her siblings and a few close friends.<\/p>\n

The biological cousins I\u2019ve located were aware of my birth because of whispered conversations, but never spoke directly to Janice about it.<\/p>\n

My birth family has been extremely warm and welcoming.<\/p>\n

Despite this, they say they don\u2019t want anyone who might have known Janice to find out about my existence, because they believe that is what Janice would have wanted.<\/p>\n

I understand wanting to honor her wishes, but I DO exist and the family\u2019s wanting to keep me a secret makes me feel like my birth is shameful.<\/p>\n

Furthermore, these family members are ignoring the fact that Janice never wanted them to know about me, either, and yet they are happy to have a relationship with me.<\/p>\n

Similarly, my half-brother from my birth father (\u201cHenry\u201d) doesn\u2019t want me contacting Henry\u2019s widow (his stepmother), whom he hasn\u2019t told about me. He believes it would upset her too much to learn that Henry gave up a baby some 30 years before they met.<\/p>\n

Speaking with people my birth parents knew might give me perspective on their feelings. I believe this would give me some closure.<\/p>\n

I feel I deserve to be acknowledged for who I am and how I came to be.<\/p>\n

Am I out of line in wanting to reach out to people who knew my birth parents?<\/p>\n

How should I handle this with the family?<\/p>\n

— Secret Child<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Secret Child:<\/strong> Yes, you DO exist, and you have the right to declare your existence in any way that you believe serves your interest.<\/p>\n

You do need to understand, however, that your choice might have an impact on your relationship with these family members you\u2019ve recently formed friendships with.<\/p>\n

You are trying to piece together a long-ago story regarding two people you\u2019ve never met.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve been denied the dawning awareness, garnered over decades, that people who grow up with their birth families receive. You\u2019re trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle on a sped-up timeline.<\/p>\n

My instinct is that you should give this a little more time, visiting in-person with family members as you find your place within this family system. Don\u2019t only visit the past with these people — but work on building a relationship you can all carry with you into the future.<\/p>\n

Your instincts are completely understandable, but even those people raised within birth families carry many questions. My point is that no one is guaranteed closure.<\/p>\n

And so I urge patience. If time is closing in on you, then make your choice on a case-by-case basis — with full awareness of the possible consequences.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> I had a longtime friend who has had multiple affairs during her now 20-year marriage.<\/p>\n

Her husband has found out about each of them but, for whatever reason, chooses to stay with her.<\/p>\n

She has claimed that she has affairs, in part, because she has such little respect for a man so cowardly and needy that he doesn’t stand up to her.<\/p>\n

When she started her most recent affair, I tried to convey that I would prefer not to hear about it because it made me uncomfortable. (Her husband cried to me about this.)<\/p>\n

She said her husband has agreed to it, so it was no different than an open marriage, and that I’m being judgmental.<\/p>\n

Our friendship is basically over now, which saddens me.<\/p>\n

My question is whether I should have just accepted this relationship, since both parties have apparently agreed to the arrangement. Am I the one in the wrong here for asking that she not discuss this with me?<\/p>\n

— Boundary Challenged<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Challenged:<\/strong> It isn\u2019t necessary for you to accept your friend\u2019s choices, since your knowledge of them has resulted in you losing all respect for her.<\/p>\n

It was reasonable to attempt to establish that you didn’t want to be an audience to episodes that damage your friendship.<\/p>\n

This friendship is quite out of balance, which is one reason it has ended.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> \u201cBewildered Bachelor\u201d insulted a 60-year-old woman by saying, \u201cYou look good for 60.\u201d<\/p>\n

I am a 91-year-old woman and still offended when someone says, “You look good for 90.\u201d<\/p>\n

How bad am I supposed to look?<\/p>\n

— Hanging In<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Hanging In:<\/strong> \u2026 Or — how good are you supposed to look? We\u2019ll have to ask \u201cBewildered.\u201d<\/p>\n

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter, In The Know, to get entertainment news sent straight to your inbox.<\/em><\/p>\n

Source: Read Full Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Amy: Five years ago, late in life, I learned that I was adopted. Both<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nAsk Amy: Adoption puzzle comes together slowly - harvestmoonnews<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ask Amy: Adoption puzzle comes together slowly - harvestmoonnews\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dear Amy: Five years ago, late in life, I learned that I was adopted. Both\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"harvestmoonnews\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-08-29T11:32:26+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"mediabest\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"mediabest\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/\",\"name\":\"Ask Amy: Adoption puzzle comes together slowly - harvestmoonnews\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2023-08-29T11:32:26+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-08-29T11:32:26+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#\/schema\/person\/0fc92ce3d7dbe0643ea3c2715d13f8c6\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"World News\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/category\/world-news\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":3,\"name\":\"Ask Amy: Adoption puzzle comes together slowly\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/\",\"name\":\"harvestmoonnews\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#\/schema\/person\/0fc92ce3d7dbe0643ea3c2715d13f8c6\",\"name\":\"mediabest\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a3c506396d5226c1e9af599ddf3d34b3?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a3c506396d5226c1e9af599ddf3d34b3?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"mediabest\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Ask Amy: Adoption puzzle comes together slowly - harvestmoonnews","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Ask Amy: Adoption puzzle comes together slowly - harvestmoonnews","og_description":"Dear Amy: Five years ago, late in life, I learned that I was adopted. Both","og_url":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/","og_site_name":"harvestmoonnews","article_published_time":"2023-08-29T11:32:26+00:00","author":"mediabest","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"mediabest","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/","url":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/","name":"Ask Amy: Adoption puzzle comes together slowly - harvestmoonnews","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2023-08-29T11:32:26+00:00","dateModified":"2023-08-29T11:32:26+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#\/schema\/person\/0fc92ce3d7dbe0643ea3c2715d13f8c6"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-adoption-puzzle-comes-together-slowly\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"World News","item":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/category\/world-news\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Ask Amy: Adoption puzzle comes together slowly"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/","name":"harvestmoonnews","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#\/schema\/person\/0fc92ce3d7dbe0643ea3c2715d13f8c6","name":"mediabest","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a3c506396d5226c1e9af599ddf3d34b3?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a3c506396d5226c1e9af599ddf3d34b3?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"mediabest"}}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25959"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25959"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25959\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25960,"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25959\/revisions\/25960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25959"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25959"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harvestmoonnews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}